We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize