i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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