You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
