just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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