some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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