How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
