She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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