I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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