did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
