So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
