I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
