"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drunk is not a location!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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