I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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