high people should be assigned attendants
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
