my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
