So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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