My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
