I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
barbara walters just said penis...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
