I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
