i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
