he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
