im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
