she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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