Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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