I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
