I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
