I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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