they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
