You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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