My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
