O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
