so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Boobs are out for the taking
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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