he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
