Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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