This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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