final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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