some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize