my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
