Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
