just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
