I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
