Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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