OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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