I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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