so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is it because I queefed?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
