We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
