Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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