i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
