the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
