Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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