is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
