I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's never too late to be topless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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