i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
