I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
