k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
