Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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