are you so shy because you have an std?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
