I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
