I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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