you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
