She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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