do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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