Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
