I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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