I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
