I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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