so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
