I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
