I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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