Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
