tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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